Australia is a special place. It is the flattest, hottest, driest, most desiccated, infertile and climatically aggressive of all the inhabited continents. There are a lot of things in Australia that could kill you, if you are not eaten by crocodiles or sharks, the ten most venomous snakes also inhabit this island. Don't mess with Texas? Don't mess with Oz mate!!! Any country that was founded by over 160,000 British convicts has to be considered to be one of the most badass countries on the planet.
I have only been here a few weeks, so it is too early to make any judgement about the culture, but my expectations have already been exceeded. Admittedly, I didn't know much about Australia before I came here other than Australians like to drink and fight. I can verify that they like to drink, a lot, but sadly I have yet to see someone get their ass kicked. Because of the accents, I find it absolutely impossible to determine if people are ever serious, so I just assume everybody is joking all of the time. Here are a few other things that I have learned about Australia. 1. Kangaroos are kind of lazy. I haven't seen many, but the roos that I have seen mostly just lay around all day like Homer Simpson after a six pack of Duff.
2. In Australia, apparently, there is crying in basketball. I coached a kids camp last week and the amount of crying was unprecedented. Maybe my expectations are just too high after working with the iron forged Macedonian youth.
3. If you want a whopper you need to go to Hungry Jacks. Somewhere in Australia there was already a burger king who copyrighted the name first.
4. Electronic music is not just for Euros anymore. Although there is a huge punk movement in Australia, electronic music has definitely has a strong influence here. Every other radio station plays some kind of dance/trance/dubstep/etc. Even as I was watching a special on orangutans on television, between the babblings of Jane Goodall (who still looks smoking hot for someone closing in on 80) they were blasting techno music. I know that they have taught chimps to use iPads, but do we have to make these poor monkeys listen to Armin Van Buuren?
I was extremely blessed to have a chance to travel and play basketball as a job for several years. I lived in some countries that I loved (Costa Rica) and countries that I hated (Sorry Lithuania) and countries that strangely fascinated me (Macedonia). I had incredible experiences and met some incredible people. I think it is only right that I honor this time listing my most memorable teammates, staff, and cheerleaders. If you were born and raised in the United States of America, you are disqualified from this list.
Players
Pepi Bela Bela in Uniform
1. Petre Svetkov aka Bella (Strumica 2005 (05), ABA Strumica (09,10,11))
Bella hardly speaks any English but when he does it is usually hilarious. However, not knowing English presents a problem for learning a system from a coach who only speaks in English. Therefore Bella has his own freelance philosophy to running the offensive sets, which he would describe as "Bella go now." Bella is a very creative player but he also plays with reckless abandon which usually results in something very good or very bad. It wasn't that he lacked body control. Every time he drove to the basket it is like that moment in the movie Momento when the guy wake up from a dream and can't remember if he is running away from somebody or running after somebody. Bella is in incredible shape for a guy who constantly smokes cigarettes off the court.
Wale with one of his baby friends
2. Lawal Adewole aka Wale aka Black (Kaunas Atletas (06))
Even though I started and played significantly more than him, Wale was named to the All-star team over me which was a true testament to his personality. I will never understand how a Nigerian ended up in the coldest country in which I have ever lived, and continues to live there to this day. Wale once described his religious view to me as Christlum, a hybrid of the Christian and Muslim faiths of his parents. On the court Wales game was pure African rawness: the tenacity of an antelope mixed with the finesse of a rhinoceros. Wale liked to spend his time off the court by pursuing "Mooshoo" a term from the movie Rush Hour which apparently means "vagina."
Bobby
3. Slobodan Hadzvasilev aka Bobby (ABA Strumica (10,11))
Bobby was the team captain and only true veteran on the ABA Strumica team. He was the starting power forward for the team from Strumica that won the championship in 2007. After this he retired and seemingly disappeared from the public eye. .Nobody knows how old Bobby really is or what he was doing from 2008 to 2010 when he was not playing basketball. Some people say he was a pizza man, others say he was a professional assassin. All we know that the Bobby who came back in 2010 was a slower, older, and more jaded version of the young Bobby. The latter version relied on experience, veteran savvy and Jedi mind tricks to score points.
Mr. WATSON!!
4. Mauricio Watson aka Mo (Aguada Montevideo (06))
Mauricio gets mentioned because I can't remember anyone else's name on this team. I was only in Uruguay for 2 weeks, partly because Mauricio told me "Did you hear our own fans just say that we need to leave or they will kill us." Potentially saving my life automatically vaults you into the top five. Thanks Mauricio.
Julius for the Jam
5. Julius Mykolaitus (Kaunas Atletas (06))
I only hung out with Julius twice off the court. The first time we ended up in a Kaunas Casino until 11 a.m. as I watched him gamble away his entire monthly salary and part of mine. The second time was after a game in which he broke both arms and we ended up getting in a police chase that ended up with me taken in to custody and questioned in a language in which I didn't understand while a drunken Julius deflated the tires on the cop car parked outside the building where I was held captive.
D. in New York
6. Darjan Hristov aka Danny aka D. aka Pero's boy (Stumica 2005 (05))
Darjan and I have a special bond because of our mutual understanding of living in the shadow our legendary fathers. My father was an NBA all star while his father was Macedonian folk music superstar. Darjan has the highest confidence I have ever seen for someone who only had marginal basketball talent. He would occasionally go off or completely shoot us out of the games. We once lost to a reality television show team (Toa sum Jas) which was undoubtably the lowest point of my basketball career. To this day he still tells everybody that he dunked on me, which either never happened or was so traumatic that I completely erased it from my memory.
Dixon in the hood
7.Jefferson Owen Dixon aka Mr. Dixon (Sanatura Desamparados (12))
Dixon is a multilingual, japanese-cartoon-watching, greek mythology reading, quasi vegetarian, swimming-pool-swimming black man. Dixon didn't make this list because he defies all stereotypes, but because he humbled himself enough to also serve as team equipment manager. Dixon would take some of the worst shots I have ever seen and occasionally make some while others you knew had no chance of hitting the rim as soon as they left his hand. However you always knew Mr. Dixon was there to work hard.
Jove at the beach
8. Jove Kurciev (ABA Strumica (2011))
Mr. Kurciev never talked much about his family, but several sources told me that his father was in the mafia. Once I learned that, I made sure that me and Jove were on good terms. Jove probably said he loved me more in the 4 months I knew him than all other men combined have during my lifetime.
9. Sebastian Lacayo Mora aka Coko (Sanatura Desamparados (12))
The son of Costa Rican basketball legend Banana, Lacayo cares a lot more about living life than playing basketball. On the court Lacayo likes to foul and foul and foul again. When you look like a pro wrestler, it is hard to get love from the referees.
Honorable Mention: Jordan Joco Nokolov, Michael Jackson, Carnegie Richards, Huesos, Mario Hasonov, Ivan Cikarski
Coaching Staff / Management
1. Neil Gottlieb, Nic Marin, Abel Garbanzo, Fernando Esquivel, Luis Sanchez- Sanatura Desamparados '12
Nic, Fernando, and Neil
Neil, a native New Yorker and manager of an online gambling site, coached exactly like a guy who gambles would coach. "How many turnovers do we have? Whats our shooting percentage? Guys we gotta shoot better and stop turning the ball over." I suspected that he was secretly betting on the over/under on turnovers during our game because he would constantly ask Statistician Luis the total. Although he was the head coach, Neil rarely came to practices, because you can't bet on practices. Nic Marin would take over those responsibitlies and did an admirable job, except half of the team was totally incapable of remembering plays. Nic served somewhat as a General manager as well, and brought me in at the twilight of my career. Nic is a great friend and I would play for him for free if I could. Abel was the strength coach but he seemed more concerned with keeping me away from his daughter than my conditioning. Fernando was the team president and my roommate for the last week after a domestic dispute forced me to leave my previous residence early.
Stratos may have been the most knowledgeable basketball coach I have ever played for, but he expected a full support staff and profesional management and got a drunk guy and a president who wanted to fist fight the mayor. Statos would loose his temper almost every day and walk away with his head down cussing incessantly in Greek "MALAKA!!" Nesho was a great guy but after his divorce he mentally checked out. Ace was trying to keep the building from falling apart and didnt have enough resources to support the team.
Honorable Mention: The Jakus/Neso/Stimson regime, Simas Kruckauskas and his father
Cheerleaders
1. ABA Dance team: 5 year old Ruta propels them to the top: I will let the video explain:
Me and Lucy on Terrific Lady Day
2. Lucitania Calderon
An excellent resource for talking trash. "You see that hot girl, that's my girl. Wheres your girlfriend? Oh, Scary J. Blige in the second row. HAHAHA!" However she can't get the top spot because the 2 biggest games of the playoffs, she was M.I.A. and there was drama between her and the water girl.
Hristina in Ochrid
3. Hristina Runceva
She was very supportive, and possibly the smartest and most ambitious woman I know, but she loses major points for being a MZT fan. Sorry KiKi!!!
Yesterday my picture made a Macedonian newspaper under a write up for the game. I have no idea what this article says accept that my name is spelled "Џон Чепел" in jibberish and that I scored 24 points and grabbed 15 rebounds and am American. That may not be entirely accurate because sometimes I suspect that they use chimpanzees to track the statistics. This was easily the longest game I have ever played in my life. Not only did this game require two overtimes to complete, it was also delayed an hour at halftime when a jumpshot (not a dunk) caused the rim to fall to the ground and elicit loud cheers from the drunken crowd. Then, the janitor went on a wild scramble to find spare parts to reattach the rim while we kept warm by joining the opposing team's basket. This game provided an answer to one of life's great mysteries. How many Macedonians does it take to fix a basketball hoop? Apparently it takes 10 as evidenced by the photo below. After 4 hours it ended and thankfully we wont have to see this team again, because now the league has been cut to the final 6 and this team did not make it. Other memories from this game that I will carry with me include: the drunken old men playing tubas and drums making it impossible to hear anything, and when I went to catch a lob at the end of regulation and the opposing center undercut me causing me to land directly on my tailbone and proceeded to intentionally knee me in the back as I was struggling up, and then said to me, "watch yourself." Macedonians are friendly people.
I have only been here a few weeks, so it is too early to make any judgement about the culture, but my expectations have already been exceeded. Admittedly, I didn't know much about Australia before I came here other than Australians like to drink and fight. I can verify that they like to drink, a lot, but sadly I have yet to see someone get their ass kicked. Because of the accents, I find it absolutely impossible to determine if people are ever serious, so I just assume everybody is joking all of the time. Here are a few other things that I have learned about Australia.
4. Electronic music is not just for Euros anymore. Although there is a huge punk movement in Australia, electronic music has definitely has a strong influence here. Every other radio station plays some kind of dance/trance/dubstep/etc. Even as I was watching a special on orangutans on television, between the babblings of Jane Goodall (who still looks smoking hot for someone closing in on 80) they were blasting techno music. I know that they have taught chimps to use iPads, but do we have to make these poor monkeys listen to Armin Van Buuren?
