Hang 10 dude! World Surf Games 2009 Day 1

I wake up early and make it to downtown bus station by 7 a.m. in time to make the 7:15 bus to Jaco, but there is one problem. The explosive diarrhea that has manifested itself in my system has politely asked me to buy the ticket for 8:30. So I'm like ok Runs you win, and I go to the McDonalds baño to let my friend go free. While I was waiting for the bus, I came across a young man originally from Wisconsin who was working at a call center in San Jose. I picked up a strong gay vibe from this guy, so even though my gay radar has been faulty at times, I tried not to get too friendly. The bus ride was pretty uneventful apart for the friendly fat girl sitting next to me sharing her gumdrops with me. Sometimes fat people eat everything in front of them, but this lady felt compelled to offer me some of her rations even though I had not said one word to her. This seemed like a pretty normal occurrence at the time, but would actually lead to an important cultural discovery and a bit of deja vu on day 7. When I got to Jaco I immediately walked to the Hotel Haan which is my preferred destination when I stay in the town known for its surf and prostitutes. Luckily they had an extra bed left in the dormitory. After checking in and borrowing some of my dormmates Africa scented Axe deodorant (Stop judging me, you know you have done it. It was a spray can and I just got off a long bus ride, and Africa scent is not what you would expect) I headed to catch the bus to Playa Hermosa. After asking around to find where I could catch this bus, I hopped on only to come to a dead halt just minutes later 3km from Playa Hermosa in a giant traffic jam. At this point the people walking on the side of the road are passing us, not to mention the guy riding on horseback while simultaneously rolling a joint. After an hour long 2 mile bus ride, I finally arrived at the World Surf Games, aka "Try to hide my boner" Olympics. Seriously, there were so many fine women at this thing that it was very difficult for me to get any kind of concentration on the actual surf games. However, I did manage to watch the games at some point and here is what I observed:

1. The female surfers don't look anything like the chicks from the movie Blue Crush. The lady surfers were not nearly as attractive as the spectators, except for maybe Puerto Rico. One of the girls surfing for Puerto Rico was hot and she was a bad ass surfer too. At least I imagined she was good because I really have no idea what makes a good surfer. Actually, I really don't even know if she was hot because she was out in the ocean the whole time, and these old eyes can't see like they used to.

2. To hell with Hawaii!! Not only did Hawaii field their own team apart from the U.S. team but they also brought their own flag with their flag carrier hit me in the face with it. Last time I checked Hawaii was a state so why did they bring this US-UK cross-breed monstrosity of a flag?

3. Anytime there is an excuse to drink during the middle of the day, Ticos will take advantage of it. The beach was packed with people partying and not paying any attention to the games. And any time there are people drinking, there are also people who want to take pictures with the extremely tall man, sometimes without even asking.

4. This thing apparently was a bigger deal than I thought. Teams came from Ireland, Japan, South Africa, Australia, etc. Every continent was represented except for Antarctica.

After a while on the beach I headed back to the stage area which would be the future performing area for several mediocre local performing acts. Actually there was a one guy that was a pretty good gangster rapper. While I was back in this area a gringo with his shirt off named Tony walked up and started talking to me about what most people talk to me about: how big I am. Tony informed me that he has been living in Costa Rica for 18 years and after getting out of jail is now rich again. He told me to come visit his restaurant, Papas and Burgers and told me that I should come ride on his boat. Mid conversation, I get interrupted by Denis (pictured right) a guy I met playing pickup basketball in the park last year. Denis works for HP and hung out with me last year when I went to Jacó. As Denis temporarily leaves, Tony, a man with a tatoo on his head, calls Denis a shady guy. I defend Denis, but I think Tony had a good point. Anyway, minutes later I would end up joining Denis and his crew and commenced to drink. I am making an honest effort to cut back on my drinking, but the choice is never easy. Either I can be sober, unsocial and safe or I can drink, be the life of the party, and put myself and everybody around me in danger. I always try to find a happy medium but it never ends up that way. So of course I started to drink, and eventually ended up like this------------------------------------------------------> And when I end up like this, I end up doing things. I can't remember everything, but I can remember the stupid things. Things like picking up prostitutes and holding them over my head, or riding on the back of an ATV doing wheelies in the middle of a street with a random Tico without a helmet. I do remember being incredibly scared which leads me to believe I was not that drunk if I feared for my life. I also remember there being a bunch of women of all ethnicities all over me, and I was constantly getting cockblocked by members of my own team. The last thing I remember was talking to a random girl on the street before starting my own survey on the street in spanish: (me translated) Hey hotdog guy, who is prettier, this girl or me? (hot dog guy) "She is prettier" (me) "Wrong, I am prettier dude, duh." At this point team cockblock grabbed me and made me walk back to my hotel. Maybe it was not such a bad idea.